Thursday, August 23, 2007

Invasion of the crocs!

I started hearing about them sometime last year. When I saw the pics, I thought “Why would anyone want to wear those atrocities!!”

They rekindled memories of the sweaty-feet-squishing-around-in-probably-melting-plastic from my childhood encounters with the sandaks.

And although sandaks are now thought of fondly with the kind of bumbling nostalgia which occurs as time dulls painful memories of blisters and slippery, squelchy walking, I must say I hated them even back then.

Now to see them back masquerading as some sort of comfortable, hip footwear – I'm appalled!!

I present to you – The Crocs!

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I read The Manolo religiously. Because I have a sort of consuming obsession with the beautiful shoes. (And the love/desperate envy for his fantastic wit and writing).

I love shoes! And although I cannot claim to have never bought the slightly odd (or downright ugly) pair of shoes, I must say the croc is the ugliest shoe I have ever seen and I don’t know why anyone would wear it, let alone buy it.

Although perhaps the people of the younger persuasion, here referring to the children! below the age of 8! could get away with it.

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Although I myself would be hesitant to stick the lovely and delicate feet of the young MS-K-lings into these vehicles of flesh-distorting torture!

I must admit, I read the debate about the crocs with some kind of bemused detachment – after all, the filthy things, they were not available in the Kenya.

The only person I had seen wearing them was the Karen Cowgirl who had bought them on the vacation to Canada, and could be forgiven for her misguided purchase. Perhaps it was the lapse in judgment caused by the jet lag or too much sun exposure?

I listened in horror as the popular excuse for the travesty of wearing them came out of her mouth – “but they’re so comfortable”.

“But they’re so UGLY!” I said, shaking my head.

As I walked away I thought, “Thank God they haven’t discovered Africa”.

But blast the globalization! They have discovered the virgin un-croc'd Africa!

I walked past the Bata shop and my heart plummeted to the depths when I saw them – the Crocs in the window display! Here, in Nairobi.

Within reach of the millions. Soon they shall over run our streets and millions of otherwise intelligent beings shall be sucked into the vortex of plastic hideousness!

And they even have the fur-lined crocs, and the boot crocs and oh, I shudder!

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I am with the Manolo and the Vincenzo and Kate at I hate Crocs so much, I bought the domain. The crocs, they MUST be destroyed. We must rally the troops and vanquish these agents of bad judgment, appalling fashion and just plain hideousness!! The enemies of taste and style and all things good!!

I proudly declare, I am a CROC-BLOCKER!

Resist the crocs my fellow Kenyans! They will melt in the tropical heat and your feet shall forever be stuck in the ugly shoes when the molten rubber adheres stubbornly to the flesh.

The excuse that they are cheap is cleverly formulated capitalist propaganda. Do not fall for their tricks.

The crocs they are hideous and they are plastic and we all know the good fairly-priced (sometimes very cheap) shoes can be found at second-hand (flea) markets around the country. Try the Toi at the Adams, or the Ngara, or the Mutinda.

And the bad cheap, they are terribly expensive. They give you the bunions and the fallen arches and the bad back and the aforementioned melted feet!

WHY would you want to wear the crocs when the beautiful shoes abound?

For the men the Gucci loafers:

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And for the fairest sex.... oh where do I begin...

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And you know, if he wears them, you probably don't want to be seen in them!

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Besides, the crocs, they are dangerous.

The writing style shamelessly copied from The Manolo!
All pics, the Manolo

For more of the fugly shoes you must never be caught in, visit the Gallery of the Horrors

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