Invasion of the crocs!

I started hearing about them sometime last year. When I saw the pics, I thought “Why would anyone want to wear those atrocities!!”

They rekindled memories of the sweaty-feet-squishing-around-in-probably-melting-plastic from my childhood encounters with the sandaks.

And although sandaks are now thought of fondly with the kind of bumbling nostalgia which occurs as time dulls painful memories of blisters and slippery, squelchy walking, I must say I hated them even back then.

Now to see them back masquerading as some sort of comfortable, hip footwear – I'm appalled!!

I present to you – The Crocs!





I read The Manolo religiously. Because I have a sort of consuming obsession with the beautiful shoes. (And the love/desperate envy for his fantastic wit and writing).

I love shoes! And although I cannot claim to have never bought the slightly odd (or downright ugly) pair of shoes, I must say the croc is the ugliest shoe I have ever seen and I don’t know why anyone would wear it, let alone buy it.

Although perhaps the people of the younger persuasion, here referring to the children! below the age of 8! could get away with it.



Although I myself would be hesitant to stick the lovely and delicate feet of the young MS-K-lings into these vehicles of flesh-distorting torture!

I must admit, I read the debate about the crocs with some kind of bemused detachment – after all, the filthy things, they were not available in the Kenya.

The only person I had seen wearing them was the Karen Cowgirl who had bought them on the vacation to Canada, and could be forgiven for her misguided purchase. Perhaps it was the lapse in judgment caused by the jet lag or too much sun exposure?

I listened in horror as the popular excuse for the travesty of wearing them came out of her mouth – “but they’re so comfortable”.

“But they’re so UGLY!” I said, shaking my head.

As I walked away I thought, “Thank God they haven’t discovered Africa”.

But blast the globalization! They have discovered the virgin un-croc'd Africa!

I walked past the Bata shop and my heart plummeted to the depths when I saw them – the Crocs in the window display! Here, in Nairobi.

Within reach of the millions. Soon they shall over run our streets and millions of otherwise intelligent beings shall be sucked into the vortex of plastic hideousness!

And they even have the fur-lined crocs, and the boot crocs and oh, I shudder!



I am with the Manolo and the Vincenzo and Kate at I hate Crocs so much, I bought the domain. The crocs, they MUST be destroyed. We must rally the troops and vanquish these agents of bad judgment, appalling fashion and just plain hideousness!! The enemies of taste and style and all things good!!

I proudly declare, I am a CROC-BLOCKER!

Resist the crocs my fellow Kenyans! They will melt in the tropical heat and your feet shall forever be stuck in the ugly shoes when the molten rubber adheres stubbornly to the flesh.

The excuse that they are cheap is cleverly formulated capitalist propaganda. Do not fall for their tricks.

The crocs they are hideous and they are plastic and we all know the good fairly-priced (sometimes very cheap) shoes can be found at second-hand (flea) markets around the country. Try the Toi at the Adams, or the Ngara, or the Mutinda.

And the bad cheap, they are terribly expensive. They give you the bunions and the fallen arches and the bad back and the aforementioned melted feet!

WHY would you want to wear the crocs when the beautiful shoes abound?

For the men the Gucci loafers:



And for the fairest sex.... oh where do I begin...





And you know, if he wears them, you probably don't want to be seen in them!



Besides, the crocs, they are dangerous.

Credits
The writing style shamelessly copied from The Manolo!
All pics, the Manolo

For more of the fugly shoes you must never be caught in, visit the Gallery of the Horrors

That KM!!!

A certain someone, who shall not be named, but surely knows that I dislike me-mes, has tagged me nevertheless. I'm only doing this cos she owes me a pair of shoes!

Oh, and I don't care about the rules. Muahahahahahaha........

1. Where is your cell phone: On my desk, and the other one's in my bag. Omera habits yawa!

2. Relationship: Love my baby to bits!!

3. Your hair: Loc'd and proud!

4. Work: Enjoying it. Lakini I can see some real hard decision making in the pipeline.

5. Your sisters: One... almost carbon copy. Msim-harass kwa matatu!

6. Your favorite things: Books, strokes, Mamarula, music, friends, traveling, family, fish, my baby, shoes, shoes, bags! etc

7. Your dream last night: Eh, heh heh I have very complicated dreams. They're like an entire season of Prison Break crammed into 8 hours! Yaani I barely remember them myself. Lakini yani I dream the colours are in technicolor!!

8. Your favorite drink: Eeh alcoholic ama the entire spectrum of fluids? Juice? Alcohol?..... ah this question is hard. The only one I don't drink is gin. Everything else is fair game. I've even drunk palm wine!

9. Your dream car: ANY range rover!! Kwanza the old mkebe Vogue!! I want a canary yellow one with cowhide interior!! Ama the Sport. Its kinda cute! Oh and Jaguars are pretty cool too. Ama a Porsche 911 boxter!

10. The room you’re in: Ofisi, lots of lunatics. Enyewe we need an in-house shrink

11. Your shoes: Never enough!! Yaani now, why can't I have all the shoes I want!

12. Your fears: Death of loved ones. I am also discovering a fear of heights and flying. Dunno know where from!

13. What do you want to be in 10 years: Why should I have answer to this? As if it makes it any difference. I just wanna be happy! Oh and I want to be a mummy!

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend: His pals, my pals, and a very well built and athletic stripper!

15. What are you not good at: Demanding what I deserve.

16. Muffins? Yes please, bran ones. Lakini, only from the Karen provision store and they bloody don't make them any more!

17. Wish-list item: Yay finally bought the camera (it is beautiful!) so now I want babies, the 30gb iPod or a brand spanking new VW Golf! Oh, and I'm standing at a wedding on Sato and NEED gold shoes. HELP!

18. Where you grew up: Outskirts of Nairobi

19. The last thing you did: Laugh at a colleague, lakini in good faith.

20. What are you wearing: Skirt!

21. What are you not wearing: Like KM says, dumb question, but if I must answer... Manolo Blahniks!

22. Your favorite pet: I REALLY want a dog. I keep trying to get my friends with compounds to get a dog we can co-share.

23. Your computer: Eh still in a store somewhere...

24. Your life: I'm happy.

25. Your mood: I'm good, thanks.

26. Missing: A good night's sleep. Like 12 hours!

27. What are you thinking about: Eh, nothing really. My back aches.

28. Your dream location: Greece or Jamaica.

29. Your Ex: I still think he's kinda hot but now I know he's a cad! But he's an honourable cad so that's cool.

30. Your Favorite Item: My camera definitely. I need to name it.

31. Your favorite color: Green, I'm obsessed with it! Otherwise earthy reds, peaches, oranges, browns....

32. Last time you laughed: Three minutes ago.

33. Last time you cried: Actually, since I cry during every extreme makeover home edition and sappy movie, can't answer this one objectively.

34. School: Dear Lord, help me to get my ass back in school this year!

35. Love: is yummy!

Shaken.... and stirred!!

These earth tremors are damn freaky. I didn't sleep a wink on Sunday and now one just shook our entire building. I am pretty damn scared and I pray that was the last one!

Blown away by Thandiswa

Earlier this year, I was lucky to attend an event where a couple of African artists performed.

I must say, I supported Valerie Kimani all through the Tusker Project Fame (oh shoot me!) but that day I was very, very disappointed. She looked very cute and I WANT one of the outfits she was wearing, but that's about all I liked about her performance. It was lacklustre, flat and uninspiring.

Valerie if you read this, I still got love for you, but you have to up your game. You can't hide behind your band and back-up forever. I know there's a voice in there. Let it loose!!

Another disappointment for me was 2Face Idibia. He was certainly good looking, lakini his performance left me cold.

Of course, by that point of the night, the music part of the event appeared unsalvagable. Then, came Thandiswa Mazwai.



Call me ignorant, but I must confess, I'd never heard of Thandiswa before that night. From the event's programme, I learnt that Thandiswa Mazwai was formerly the lead vocalist and songwriter of the acclaimed South African group Bongo Maffin. I knew Bongo Maffin, but I had no clue who Thandiswa was.

Well, I must say, I haven't been able to stop talking about her since. She gave an absolutely electrifying performance. And I mean, absolutely electrifying. The only other performance I've attended which came close is Youssou N'Dour, so you get an idea just how fabulous it was.

Her voice is flawless and her stage presence is magic. At the end of her performance, every single person in the audience wanted an encore.

After the performance, as if it were even possible, she climbed even higher in my esteem. When the event was over, she came into the crowd and started talking to people and taking photos with us. She was, I have to say, a refreshing change from all those international musicians who prefer to hide in their dressing rooms and leave surrounded by bodyguards to speed away in heavily tinted cars.

She was completely without diva attitude, sweet and friendly. I was lucky enough to get a picture taken with her AND, when her manager came around giving away CDs of her new album Zabalaza, I got one!! YAY!! Now that's how you handle your fans!



She's beautiful, and I was particularly enamoured by her style. Where many young female musicians resort to showing skin, she wore a resplendent African outfit. Her braided, beaded hair looked fantastic and was a unique statement that stood out from the legion of weave preferred by many perfomers. And you have just GOTTA love a woman who's not afraid to shun heels and perform in tackies!!!

I cannot forget to mention her absolutely fabulous back-up singers and band! Thandiswa hand-picked her band herself from over 400 candidates and it brings a vibrant, fresh young sound to her live performances.

She says she picked the band to give new talent a chance to live their dream.

"There’s so much talent out there, just waiting to be discovered. I’m living my dreams through my work, and I’m able to do that partly because certain people gave me a chance. So I want to be able to give other young talents the same opportunity, and allow them to live their dreams. We can travel the world together, making music. I’m really looking forward to going on the road with these guys."

Zabalaza is her first solo album and it is a magnificent debut!

Now Zabalaza is on constant rotation in my house. I love the entire CD and you must go out and buy it now! I love the lead title Zabalaza, Revelation, Nizalwa Ngobani, and Ndiyahamba. The sound is quintessentally South Africa, but Thandiswa unique sound combines the old and the modern seamlessly. Revelation is a gospel song with a bluesy sound reminiscent of American church choirs. Reggae, Kwaito beats and traditional Xhosa rhythms co-exist effortlessly on the album and work brilliantly together.

The South African Music website has this to say about Thandiswa:

"There is no doubt that Zabalaza will become one of the most important musical projects to emerge out of South Africa. Released in the year that South Africa celebrates ten years of freedom, the album is also a metaphor for Thandiswa’s musical emancipation – she’s matured into an artist who can stand up and express her views, and create a project that she feels honestly represents her voice, thoughts and experience. The number of major awards that she and the album have been given is a testament to this, from the Kora Awards in December 2004 to the South African Music Awards in 2005"

She's been dubbed the Miriam Makeba of our generation. I can say that I, am a believer.

Now, can one of our so-called Music promoters get this girl here for Kenyans to enjoy!

Read more about her: South African Music

Buy your copy of Zabalaza today

Welcome home Alan

In a world where bad news and negative images seem to fill every waking (and sleeping) moment, it is inexplicably wonderful to have a day when a story of overwhelming joy reigns.

Welcome home Alan. Welcome home!

More: Alan Johnston freed

I do not lye!

So, in addition to spending the last few many months lurking around the greater blogosphere, obviously my life, like all others, has moved right along. Well, I'm not yet a mommy... or anything as cool as that!!

But....



I do not lye, anymore! The creamy crack has been banished from my life!!

I've been planning this for years. Somehow, I always knew I'd end up loc'd. I had my first crop of locs in 2002, but i took them down in 2004 after a bad break-up.

(Exactly WHY is it, that women make such rash hair decisions after break ups? Someone better find a cure for that ish STAT!!)

So, after one particularly traumatizing crack application about two years ago (goddamnit my scalp was damn near broiled!!), I began to come to the decision that maybe this long, sleek, straight hair thing wasn't for me. Besides, my long healthy hair got shorter and shorter after every crack session because of all the breakage and well.... they apply the damn crack with gloves on onto my naked scalp. It's called a damn chemical process. Chemicals people!! Why don't i just pour a vat of battery acid on my head next time! (Ok, tiny exaggeration)

Anyway, I decided that that stuff is not for me. So i kinda braided my hair till it was growing out of my scalp pre-braided!! I'd known people for years who'd never seen my hair!

I was almost definitely going to go back to locs. My heart kept leading me back to locs. For a while, I toyed with the idea of the curly mop do (like that Jaden Smith cutie!), but my hair's REALLY kinky, so i'd have to do some stuff to make my hair loosely curled and I just.... my heart wasn't in it.

Then there were all the other concerns. My mum hates locs. Always has, probably always will. She almost had a party when I took down the first headload, and she keeps haranguing my brother about his. Then there was the whole must-look-professional thing.

In the end, none of these reasons was strong enough to hold me back from freeing myself from the bondage of the LYE (insert shivers and scary effects hapa). My mother will just have to learn to deal with it and well, I'll deal with the work issues if and when they happens.

Decision made - check. Hair loc'd - check!

Let me tell you, this ish is NOT easy!! Most of time, I don't know what the hell to do with my hair. I wake up sometimes and I look like a golliwog!! I look all wrong and I want to curl up in bed and never leave but i know its cos my hair is a damn mess!!

I try the turbans but it always comes out wrong and there's only so many times you can rock the Alicia knot. I'm having bad hair weeks!! Months!! I'm trying hats, but everyone wants to look at what's UNDER THEM!!!!

Also, now that my hair is not being constantly having the shit beaten out of it by the creamy crack, its beginning to have some attitude, acting up all the damn time. Revenge it is sweet, huh? It's too dry this minute, then it's too damn oily and sticky the next. My scalp keeps getting back at me for all those years of being basted and fried with the creamy crack by pulling its own sick torture moves; dry and flaking and ashy as hell one week... then fine the next. My head looks like a damn badly-made bird's nest most of the time

It's frustrating and annoying and depressing and I LOVE IT!!

I am not my hair... and I am my hair. I'll es'plain that statement in another post cos this one's getting too damn long and it's Easter y'all! (Happy Easter to you and yours! God bless)

If you stick around, you're going to be hearing a lot more about my hair. So you'se best get comfy with it!

My journey to fabulocity!!

Ceteris paribus

Heh heh, I know what you're thinking, another tease post. Well, I hope not too.

I miss blogging. In the last few months I have lurked extensively, I have discovered thousands (I kid you not!) of new blogs about so many things!! Fashion and photography (the sartorialist), celebrities {LOL what? What? What!!} (Crunk&Disorderly), beauty (Afrobella), hair (Motown Girl), perfume (Now smell this).

I know all the examples above seem frivolous. Where are the blogs about "important" stuff? The news blogs? The Africa blogs? The political blogs? The development blogs?

I read those too. But I've found, more and more, that for me blogging is more fun when its about things that may seem frivolous to some. Why? Because, for me blogging is about relaxing, venting, life things, hair things, perfume things, clothes things, photo things...... You know, the other stuff that makes the world go round!

I don't want to come across wrong, I'm not saying that the other things - news, politics, development issues, climate change - aren't important to me. They are, and I do read about them. Its just..... I'm kinda around that kind of stuff ALL DAY! I need a break. And when I do....... I turn to my blog roll.

So, why did I quit? Well, mostly because I felt as though my blog had no purpose. What was my blog? Certainly not a news or politics blog. I didn't write about development issues, or African issues. I don't do poetry. I felt rudderless. For a minute, I thought my blog was unimportant.

So, do I now have a purpose? Aw hell no. But I've realised, we all have our place. So what if my blog is all over the place? So what. There are millions of blogs. MILLIONS! Really, what does it matter? Who has the right to say my blog doesn't matter?

So, I'm back, ceteris paribus. Which means, whatever it means.

You can continue to expect the same mish mash you come to expect and love (ha ha).

And I can continue to have a place to record all the stuff that happens to me, when I'm busy dreaming about stuff that's going to happen to me.

Here's to looking at me, kid!

Crack is whack

So, Kelitu says blogging is like crack..........

Hmm........

So it appears, that I am biting the bullet and coming back to o-blogosphere.

Yeah yeah........ i can't contain my excitement either.

So.........

What way forward for the Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya?

Did you watch KNHCR's brilliant documentary on land, Bless this our Land?

Ms K finally learns to drive!!!

...and many more.

AND, so now what am I supposed to eat now that meat if off bounds and sijui the fishes are off swimming in other people's lakes!

ARGH!!!

And now I've changed to this stupid new blogger and they say I can't use exclamation marks.

BUGGER!!!

The inimitable Luther Vandross

Think modern soul and R&B and one man comes to mind, Mr. Luther Vandross.

Today, Capital FM has dedicated the Afternoon Jam show to the great late Luther Vandross.

The whole show. Five hours. Two to seven p.m.!

OMG!!!

Amazing, stupendous. Heaven!!

A great way to honour a man who changed the face of music. And to celebrate his music. It's just an amazing treat to all Luther Vandross fans.

I'm going to have to leave work and today I didn't carry the hands free enhancement I need to be able to listen to music on my phone. I am in a godamn dilemma! I have a meeting at 5.30 which may last up to or longer than an hour. That means by the time I get out of that meeting, the Afternoon Jam will be over.

I bet you can guess what I'm thinking right now.

Yeah don't think I'm going to make that meeting.

It's LUTHER!!! LUTHER!!! C'mon!!!

So far, this is what they've played:

• A house is not a home
• Never too much
• Stop to love
• Love won't let me wait
• There's nothing better than love
• The power of love
• Any love
• How many times can we say goodbye (with Dionne Warwick)
• Superstar
• Give me the reason
• Sugar and spice
• Don't want to be a fool
• The closer I get to you (with Beyonce Knowles)
• I really didn't mean it
• So amazing (Stevie Wonder/Beyonce cover)

And there's still THREE WHOLE HOURS LEFT!!!

Oh and for once, I think Marcus and Chris are talking too much. I wish they would just SHUT UP play the Luther!!!